Can we truly classify it as rebellion?

The perception of rebellious behavior varies among parents; what one parent may consider as rebellious, another might be willing to overlook. Regardless of parental interpretations, rebellion during the teenage years is a normal occurrence. According to Carl Grody, LISW, MSW, a licensed independent social worker, "The thing to understand about rebellion is that it’s supposed to happen." He describes it as a transitional phase between childhood and young adulthood, often catching parents off guard. Grody notes, "Parents are often confused by this because they’re used to their children wanting to please them and be like them," highlighting that a teen’s developmental task is to carve out their own personality separate from their parents. A common and predictable method for teens to achieve this is by defying their parents, a behavior considered developmentally appropriate at this stage.

When the Stakes Are Higher

Facing more significant challenges with potentially severe consequences could indicate that there is more at play than just the typical process of growing up. Grody provides a set of questions for you to consider in order to determine whether your teen's rebellious behavior is of a more serious nature.

• Is your child's conduct notably more intense than that of other kids in the same age group?
• Has your teen abruptly lost enthusiasm for activities they once enjoyed?
• Is there a sudden emergence of anger in your teen that wasn't present before?
• Is your teen associating with peers engaged in substance abuse, including drugs and alcohol?
• Does your family have a history of mental health or behavioral issues?
• Are there unique stressors at play, such as bullying, the loss of a loved one, marital problems, or parental separation?

Ultimately, Grody advises relying on your parental instincts. "In the end, consider your gut reaction. Nobody understands your child better than you do. Trust your instincts," he emphasizes.

Erica Ives, M.A., MFT, CEDS, holds a license as a marriage and family therapist, specializing in working with teenagers and their parents. According to her, "Parenting a teen and being a teenager are two of the most challenging roles in existence." Ives encourages maintaining open lines of communication with other parents of teenagers, fostering discussion and sharing concerns to alleviate the feeling of isolation. She emphasizes the importance of staying connected with your teen during this stage, suggesting proactive engagement by regularly checking in on their well-being and reminding them of your availability for conversations. Ives advocates for a proactive parenting approach rather than a reactive one.

A Parent's Narrative

Navigating parenthood with a troubled teenager can be an isolating experience. A mother, who documents her journey on the blog "Inelegant Unpremeditated Life," shares her challenges with her daughter. "We faced issues with her running away, fabricating lies, sneaking out, and bringing boys in, starting around the age of 13," she recounts.

"I wanted her to see a therapist, but her dad dismissed it as a waste of time. Then, at 15, we had a confrontation — she stole our van and crashed it into a concrete pillar at the gas station — and she brandished a knife at me. My husband intervened, disarming her and restraining her until the sheriff’s department arrived, taking her to juvenile hall." Despite mandatory counseling, her daughter resisted engaging with the counselor and ended up on probation.

Following several other incidents, including a month-long evasion of the law due to a probation violation, the police apprehended her, and the court mandated her placement in a group home. "She spent six months there," her mother recounts. "Upon her return, we still encountered issues — a complete disregard for our rules, given that she had graduated high school and turned 18. We packed her belongings and placed them on the back porch, insisting she find a new place to live." A few months later, they allowed her to move back in. "She is now 19 and has significantly mellowed. She is employed and has enrolled in college. While she still tends to be somewhat disrespectful, overall, she's in a much better place," her mother adds.

It is essential to closely monitor your teen's behavior and seek assistance if you sense they are struggling—before it reaches a critical point.